I’ve been tagged! My good writer friend Darci Cole (http://darcicole.blogspot.com/) participated in this game. Then she managed to track me down and tag me, despite my years of ninja training. Impressive, Darci. Most impressive.
So, here are the rules:
1. Go to Page 77 of your current manuscript.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Copy & post the next 7 lines as they’re written — no cheating.
4. Tag 7 other writers.
5. Let them know.
I had fun locating the exact spot in my manuscript, and it’s a thrill to share a small excerpt from The Year of Lightning with all of you. However, I just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t bend the rules a little. The game calls for only seven lines, but I want you to have a little more of the scene. From my own experience, it can be difficult adjusting to a story’s rhythm with such a small excerpt, so hopefully the extra lines will give you a better reading experience.
So, which writers have I decided to ambush *ahem, tag* with the game?
Ellie Soderstrom
Jack Flacco
Jason McIntyre
Ryne Pearson
Leigh Fallon
Jen Conroy
Consider yourselves on notice!
Okay, now here’s my excerpt from The Year of Lightning:
Neil leaned in close, tilting his head to examine it from another angle. “This one goes pretty deep. You need stitches.” He retrieved a needle and thread from the kit and looked at her apologetically. “This’ll hurt, but we have to.”
Valentine took another deep breath and nodded. Her left hand clutched the pendant around her neck. “Okay.”
Her dad set to work. She forced her gaze in the other direction, trying her best to focus elsewhere, to pretend the sting wasn’t there. The cool metal in her left hand – that felt better.
“How does it feel?” He was halfway finished.
She swallowed. “Um…not too bad.” Her voice came out strained. “I think it’s going a little numb.”
A smile touched the corners of Neil’s lips. “You’re a tough girl, Valentine. Always were.”
She felt taken aback. “What do you mean?”
He finished the last stitch and reached for the shears. “Remember when you sprained your ankle at that dance recital? You were only eight, but you barely even cried.”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“You could hardly stand, but you still wanted to do your routine.” His smile widened. “That Russian teacher of yours said, “Flower cannot stand on broken stem. Do not be fool.” And I had to make you sit down.”
She grinned at the memory. “We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.”
Neil stiffened. His face became a mask, still as stone.
Valentine’s heart sank. No no no… “Well, I mean, uh….” She grasped for something to say, but felt frozen inside. Her father looked down again, not meeting her eyes. Please no…
He set a bottle of peroxide and a clean cloth on the counter. “Twice a day,” he muttered, barely audible. “For a…a week or so.” He turned to leave. He was slipping away from her. She could already feel him running. Her chest tightened inside. Please, not again! “Dad.” Her good hand shot out and grabbed his forearm. “What’s wrong? Why can’t you talk to me anymore? What did I do?”
Neil recoiled as if he’d been slapped. “Valentine, no….that’s not….you didn’t…”
She waited for more. He just looked down, his face a mask of pain. “Then what? What is it?!”
He shook his head at the floor. “I can’t. I just…..I can’t….” He seemed to grope for more, but nothing came.
She stared at him, and the tightness in her chest hardened. He won’t even try. Her need for him began to boil into something else. “So, that’s all, huh?”
He finally looked up at her with reddening eyes. His silence stretched on.
Her resentment solidified. Fine. Valentine nodded, set her jaw, and stood up from the counter. Letting go of him, she walked to the door. “Forget it.”
“I…” she heard him call feebly. “I didn’t mean to…”
She fled to her bedroom and shut the door behind her. As soon as the latch clicked, she leaned against the painted wood and sagged to the floor, face in her hands. Why?
Ohhhh… Ryan, I love this scene… Such tension between Valentine and her father… the pleading… the need she has… It’s great 😉 Isn’t this a fun game? I enjoyed doing this too—it’s crazy to just show an excerpt out of the blue & I’m glad you bent the rules because I still wanted more 😉
Oh, and on a side note, I hope Jason McIntyre does this—it’d be really interesting to see him show a quick excerpt… his work is awesome 😀
Thanks, Morgan! I think this is the first full clip I’ve ever posted from the book, so it was quite a thrill 🙂 Let’s hope everyone responds and we’ll get some more good reading out of the game.
Very cool excerpt from “Lightning”, Ryan!
Really neat Ryan. I’m really curious about the rest of this story.
Ryan, you’re one of the only peeps out here I’d do this for — given how secretive I generally am about what I’m working on. For you, (*nearly*) anything. And, well, after Morgan added her prodding to the mix, how can I even ponder not taking part? You two are the best and I thank you for including me in the game.
However. *ahem* I am definitely known in some circles as a rule breaker. I know I’m supposed to do this on my own blog and tag a few more…but I am dog-tired and running out of minutes in a morning when eight thousand things need my attention. Sorry, friends, but my seven lines get posted here on Ryan’s blog. Hope that won’t put me in the dog house — even though I assuredly reside in the Rule Breaker’s Apartment Complex.
Here are seven lines from the upcoming NIGHT WALK MEN short story, KRO. It’s not long enough for me to snag out the 77th page, so this’ll have to do.
The set-up: Young James Wong has just had a bust-up with a gang of drug lords. Now he’s bleeding out on a rain-coated street in downtown Vancouver, and, well, fearing his own dark end.
* * *
Twenty-four years old and all I ever wanted was to stop slouching, stand up straight and show my parents I was good for something. Make a few dollars, drive a nice car maybe, take a good-looking girl out—white or not, it never mattered—and have her look at me like I’m…important. Now, here I lay, half on the road, half on the sidewalk. My insides are pouring out of me, the colour of dark red cherries from the Okanagan Valley, the kind you’d see in early August. I’m not going to see next August, am I?
* * *
Love it, Jason. Nice work 😉
Thanks for the kind words about the excerpt, everyone! I’m glad you liked it.
Jason, that clip was awesome. Thanks for sharing! It’s a pleasure to have it here on my blog, and I can’t wait to read the rest of it.
Ryan and Jason, both of you are amazing! I’m seriously loving this game! Thanks for playing!
Hey Ryan, thanks for tagging me with this…I mentioned you in my blog today!
And…what an awesome excerpt! Your dialog flows nicely and the way you describe the action brings inspiration to me to become better at writing myself!
Glad you were able to jump into the game, Jack! Thanks for the mention, and for the kind feedback.
Hey, this is one of Lane’s sisters. He posted a link to this on our blog so I thought I’d check it out. I’m glad I did! Cool excerpt. I hope you get more responses to the Seven Game. I would enjoy reading more.
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!